Sunday, February 06, 2005
FREE-E-E-E-DOM! (yet another Fafblog tribute, guest starring Mel Gibson)
What is this "freedom" that Bush keeps on about? I thought I knew what freedom was, and under the old definition (civil liberties), I though Bush had the worst record in post-war history, so I'm a bit surprised he brought it up.
But Fafblog suggests maybe it's not freedom Bush is yammering about, but Freedom(TM), which comes in three tasty flavors and can be found in the freezer section of your neighborhood grocery store.
In potentially related news, Bush wants us to stop "frivolous asbestos lawsuits". (Cough cough wheeze). And wouldn't you know it, Halliburton has a huge asbestos liability weighing down its profits. (I'm sure that's just a coincidence, which, incidentally, is what Halliburton means in Ancient Greek.)
A friend of mine suggests that we must stop these lawsuits because asbestos particles are actually Freedom Fibers(TM), a floating particulate version of Freedom(TM), perfect for spreading the breath of Freedom(TM) to the oppressed peoples of the Middle East (cough hack wheeze choke).
Which is where I get confused. Because I can't tell: Are Freedom Fibers good or bad?
Back in the day, Republicans used to love Freedom Fibers, and told us they were the greatest guys in the world. They used to funnel money and weapons to them, legally or illegally, but that was okay, because they were fibers for freedom. It said so, right in the Republican's defense to the investigating committees.
Maybe I'm not expert enough, but I see some guys in Afghanistan and Iraq who look a lot like those Freedom Fibers we used to support in Nicaragua and, well, Afghanistan. In fact, I think some of them are the same Fibers. But now apparently they are all Evil Fibers, and we have to destroy them to protect the true Freedom Fibers, who, like good Highlanders, paint their fingers blue.
I guess I'm not good enough at Fiber recognition. Maybe we need to get a forensic pathologist out there to tell us which fibers are Freedom Fibers and which fibers are Evil Fibers.
And what about Freedom Fibbers? There seem to be a lot of those in the White House nowadays, saying that something is Freedom(TM) when it's not.
Maybe, when we get the forensic pathologist, we should also order up Braveheart, so that when one of the Freedom Fibbers shouts "FREE-E-E-E-DOM", Braveheart can say, "That's not a Freedom Fiber, *THIS* is a FREE-E-E-E-DOM Fiber."
But then the White House might say it's just the new peanut-butter-flavored Freedom(TM), and Braveheart will get frustrated and chop the spokesperson's head off, and---
What's that you say? Braveheart went crazy and started making psuedo-Catholic slasher flicks? Oh, where's a true Freedom Fiber when you need one...
But Fafblog suggests maybe it's not freedom Bush is yammering about, but Freedom(TM), which comes in three tasty flavors and can be found in the freezer section of your neighborhood grocery store.
In potentially related news, Bush wants us to stop "frivolous asbestos lawsuits". (Cough cough wheeze). And wouldn't you know it, Halliburton has a huge asbestos liability weighing down its profits. (I'm sure that's just a coincidence, which, incidentally, is what Halliburton means in Ancient Greek.)
A friend of mine suggests that we must stop these lawsuits because asbestos particles are actually Freedom Fibers(TM), a floating particulate version of Freedom(TM), perfect for spreading the breath of Freedom(TM) to the oppressed peoples of the Middle East (cough hack wheeze choke).
Which is where I get confused. Because I can't tell: Are Freedom Fibers good or bad?
Back in the day, Republicans used to love Freedom Fibers, and told us they were the greatest guys in the world. They used to funnel money and weapons to them, legally or illegally, but that was okay, because they were fibers for freedom. It said so, right in the Republican's defense to the investigating committees.
Maybe I'm not expert enough, but I see some guys in Afghanistan and Iraq who look a lot like those Freedom Fibers we used to support in Nicaragua and, well, Afghanistan. In fact, I think some of them are the same Fibers. But now apparently they are all Evil Fibers, and we have to destroy them to protect the true Freedom Fibers, who, like good Highlanders, paint their fingers blue.
I guess I'm not good enough at Fiber recognition. Maybe we need to get a forensic pathologist out there to tell us which fibers are Freedom Fibers and which fibers are Evil Fibers.
And what about Freedom Fibbers? There seem to be a lot of those in the White House nowadays, saying that something is Freedom(TM) when it's not.
Maybe, when we get the forensic pathologist, we should also order up Braveheart, so that when one of the Freedom Fibbers shouts "FREE-E-E-E-DOM", Braveheart can say, "That's not a Freedom Fiber, *THIS* is a FREE-E-E-E-DOM Fiber."
But then the White House might say it's just the new peanut-butter-flavored Freedom(TM), and Braveheart will get frustrated and chop the spokesperson's head off, and---
What's that you say? Braveheart went crazy and started making psuedo-Catholic slasher flicks? Oh, where's a true Freedom Fiber when you need one...
